“Well yer honor-

It all started out real innocent like. We was a celebratin’ Jannette heres pro-motion, you see it’s not ever day that a friend of mine gets a rung up on the ladder, so we left outta the Walmart and headed us up to Jessie’s over on Handcock.

It was there that we had us a margarita or two, and they tasted sa good, and they went down sa smooth, a’for we knowed it we was a drinkin’ straight shots a tequilya. You know how you do it, first the salt, then the lime, then the business end a the deal, and after a few a those I knowed I best be a gettin’ off home, as I was soon to be too drunk to drive…

So then it was on the way ta my trailer, that Jannette here tells me she has her a li’l ol’ stash a that skunk weed. An’ me bein’ a couple a sheets in already, I says to myself, I says ‘What could be the harm?’

It’s here me memory gets a bit brittle in parts, but if them Polaroids is ta be believed, I’d have ta say it I got myself involved in doin’ a little ol’ strip tease er somethin’ out there on the picnic table, as I can’t rightly say what else it coulda been- and right about that time well, that’s when yer boy here, I mean ta say yer officer, that is Woodacre here, come a cruisin’ up.”

“Excuse me? Yes sir. That’s right sir. That one there in the blonde boofantè. That one there would be me…”