Me at fifteen
at fifteen
i didn’t question
your packing up my life
in a garbage bag
and sending me to gramma’s
i wanted my freedom
i saw being sent away
as you giving it to me
i thought i had won
at twenty five
i didn’t question
abandoning my marriage
and two children
to recapture the freedom
i perceived
as having been stolen from me
surely the end
would justify the means
at thirty five
i didn’t question
getting clean
i knew it was
either quit- or die
so i quit- because
too much freedom
had in the end
taken me hostage
at forty five
i looked into
the eyes of a woman
i had never seen before
she told me:
that fifteen year olds
don’t get garbage bags
full of freedom
that twenty five year olds
can disappear- but
never really leave-
(their children behind)
that thirty five year olds
never really get clean,,
they just quit using….
and that the only way
to ever really catch freedom
is to stop running…
This is posted in response to the call for confessional poetry on dVerse Poetry Pub Poetics.
Thru Violet's Lentz 
Sad and relatable. Ages might have been different but sentiment is the same.
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I would like to think we all experience such hurdles in life.. That kind of evens the playing field for me.. Thanks for stopping by Jay-lyn.
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You’re welcome. 😊
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Wow! This is amazing! So deep
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Thank you Jason. I went through some years of being very expository in my writing and this one seemed like a good match for the prompt. Thank you so much for stopping by.
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I loved it!
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Seems we can only stop running once we realize it’s not a race. I like this piece.
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Thank you so much Maggie..
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to have that awareness is ALL ❤
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Yes it is Jade, but I continue to find hurdles, or create them as the case may be… 😉
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This is so powerful and relatable.
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Thank you so much Angela. I thing the best part of expository writing is finding out we are not alone.
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I agree, and it’s my pleasure.
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Wow! Bravo. Boy do I relate to this.
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Just when I think I am a most despicable excuse for a human being, I find so many wonderful people who are (almost) just like me.. It’s wonderful. Thank you V.J. for stopping in.
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No one who stops, turns, and looks into themselves can ever be called despicable. And you are far from alone in your personal history. As to freedom: first define it. 🙂
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The trouble with freedom is when we are old enough to believe it is the only path to happiness, we are not old enough to define it. Thank you for bringing that moment of insight Crispina.
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Any/ all of us could say “despicable me”! What honesty and insight you have gained, Violet.
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Thank you for thinking so Lynn.
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Incredibly poignant and powerful violet, excellent confessional poetry.
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Thank you Rob.
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As much as we try to run away from our condition, it catches up with us. Freedom indeed requires us to stop running. Your self-aware voice is both evocative and powerful! Thanks for sharing this confessional verse.
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It was my pleasure. Thank you for providing the venue.
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A very powerful poem – you’ve been very strong to share it, and have had immense mental fortitude to look back on everything!
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More probably crushing need, but thank you for your most supportive comment
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I feel this. I especially see the fifteen year old, having had recent experience with teens seeking ways to get away.
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Fifteen was a tough age,, well it wouldn’t have been so bad if it didn’t last 20 years!
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Good point about stop running at the end. Nice lines: “too much freedom
had in the end
taken me hostage”
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Nice line for a bad situation. Thanks for stopping by Frank.
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This is most powerful… the price of learning the risk of trying to run….but in the end we can only stop running but never return, can we?
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I think if this deserves a song it’s Me and Bobby McGee … freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose,
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Nope. ther is no going back. This I know. Thanks for stopping by Bjorn
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Your recount of the phases of your life and lessons learned is wise, and so touching. May sobriety and lessons learned stand you in good stead for the future.
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Thank you Beverly for the kind words and the well wishes!
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A frank, honest, and poignant confessional. I won’t judge your actions, as I’m far from qualified.
In general, I stopped believing in good guys and bad guys years ago. We’re all just guys (and gals) doing the best we can.
I am humbled by your choice to be vulnerable for all to see. Your words resonate with me. I will not forget them.
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As a fellow writer, Barry I am sure you know that comments like yours are manna.. For me expository writing is cathartic. This one just scratched the surface.
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Hello this is the second poem I am reading of yours. Thank you for penning down your life with honesty. Its good to meet you 🙂
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Thank you for sharing it with me.
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Beautifully penned. Expressed the feelings at every stage so well.
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Without glazing over the actions.. Thank you so much for stopping by!
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Nice post ❤ amazing pics!
Do check my blogs on https://mesmotsbysazz.com/
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Thank you for stopping by Scorpio. And I will have a look.
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Thanks a lot dear.. Waiting for your feedback 🙂
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The journey never ends…but you are traveling now with hard-earned wisdom. (K)
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How right you are.
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quite powerful, for what it’s worth you are a gem and it reflects in that picture too
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Thank you for saying so Idara. I do what I can.
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Everyone says if I could have my time again I would do things differently and indeed we would except we are not granted the gift of hindsight. I don’t mind the mistakes I made as they seemed like the right thing to do at the time and that’s the only way to live.
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I wouldn’t change a thing. I would not be who I am today if I did. But that doesn’t keep me from recognizing that I have done some pretty f’ed up stuff. The difference is i’m not afraid to learn from it. Thanks for taking the time to peek in this little window of my world.
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Pure brilliance
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Thank you so much for your kind words.
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